Navigating holidays with dementia

For many, the holidays represent a time to create special moments and carry on long-held traditions with loved ones.

But for those with dementia and their caregivers, it can be a time of higher anxiety. Those with dementia might be overwhelmed by being in a new environment or around many people they do not recognize. Caregivers have the additional stress of maintaining the holiday preparations while still caring for their loved one. And for those who are not typically around a person with dementia, it can be hard to understand why someone is acting differently – even strange – than before.

However, it can also be a time to rekindle connections, make new memories and find joy. Here are some tips to help create a more enjoyable holiday season for all.

Help others understand

As a caregiver, it’s normal to feel anxious about telling others about a loved one’s diagnosis. It’s OK only to share as much as you are comfortable. Some may have a better understanding of what dementia is, and others may know very little. Being honest about what the person’s capabilities are is important – that way family members are prepared for changes in personality and actions.

For children, using age-appropriate language is best. You can explain that the person with dementia might have trouble remembering people or moments and can become confused easily.

For instance, you might say, “Grandma’s brain is working differently now and sometimes she forgets things. It’s not because she’s upset with us, it’s just part of her illness.” That also helps children understand someone is not making them react or behave differently. Be sure to comfort children – seeing changes with a loved one can be tough on anyone, especially children.

Having activities prepared that friends and family can do with someone with dementia is important – coloring a picture, looking at old photos, making a craft or singing songs are all great options. Family members might encourage someone with dementia to try to remember specific moments. Let them know that showing love and patience is most important – live in the moment rather than trying to remember the past.

Prepare for extra festive cheer

Even in a calm setting, bringing a person with dementia to a new environment can be overwhelming. The additional excitement of holiday cheer can sometimes lead to confusion, agitation or irritation. If you’re having a holiday gathering at a place that’s not their home, create a quiet space where the person with dementia can relax and have an activity they can enjoy quietly. Be clear with other guests that this space is needed to help eliminate stress and anxiety.

If you’re going to another home, they likely will not have considered all safety measures. Ensuring general accessibility, that decorations are secured, and flammables are monitored is a good start.

Setting boundaries as a caregiver

The added stress and longer to-do list around the holidays can be stressful for anyone. For caregivers, maintaining every tradition, cooking large meals and keeping up decorations is likely impossible. Let others know how they can help or what adjustments can be done to help make gatherings the most enjoyable – whether it’s ordering dinner or choosing not to set out all the decorations. Caregivers, your situation has changed, and you don’t have to live up to expectations of relatives or friends.

There are also likely traditions or activities that you want to do. Ask a friend or family member to spend time with your loved one while you enjoy that activity.

Involve and inspire

Seeing lights, certain decorations or traditions can draw out powerful memories. Involving a person with dementia in decorating, meal preparation or other tradition can not only give them a sense of accomplishment and worth, it can encourage positive memories as well.

If there are certain traditions you know are important to your loved one, let family and friends know that time should be set aside for those as well.

To make an appointment at the Smith Alzheimer’s Center’s Memory Clinic, call 217.545.8000. To learn more about the Smith Alzheimer’s Center at SIU Medicine, visit our website.